The Great Facade- Why do we compare?

I remember being a young mother raising my tiny kids and looking around at those around me thinking "Man, everyone else has it put together. What is wrong with me?" I saw them with their reverent children in the church pew, with their fancy dresses and perfectly curled hair. I saw their hand shoot up when asked who could help someone else. I saw their Facebook posts of the latest birthday cake they made and the Pinterest-perfect décor. I was burnt out and tired. How were they all doing so well and I felt like I was dragging along behind a bus. 

And then, I took a step in the dark and decided I would book some playdates with some of these Moms and the lesson I learned made me sit back and laugh at myself. Why? Well, because I saw that Mom's during the week looked just like me with their hair thrown up in a bun and their sweat pants on. I saw that those Pinterest posts were more moments of accomplishment that something right had come together instead of a 'hey look at what I did that you can't do'. I saw that reverent children didn't always happen and I had witnessed a rare moment of peace. I saw that I wasn't the only one being dragged behind the bus, but we were all there- all struggling to keep up, all exhausted, all doing our best each day. 

These revelations brought hope to my life. I felt chastened and silly, but as I sat back I realized we do this all the time. We look at other people and see the façade- just the outside of what happens in their life and we judge ourselves by that. It's not fair to us and it's not fair to them. Those facades become barriers that prevent us from making connections and further light the fire that tells us we're never going to be good enough. As we choose to bridge those gaps of perceived inequality we may learn that we are more alike than we realized. We may even find a companion and confident that provides us the strength we needed. So, when you find yourself comparing your life to someone else's I hope you'll choose to step out of your own brain and get to know them. May they remind you that we all are human and we are all in this together. 

How to Live Beyond Expectations

Sometimes in life we feel there are two paths we can choose and the pressure is on. If we don't choose the "right" path our life will have been a waste and we will have failed. When this mindset happens it is because we forget that life is about the journey. When God said life would be a test to prove us he didn't mean it would be a pass/fail adventure. I think of proving more like the proving that happens when making bread. Before a loaf of bread can rise, the yeast must be added to warm water and must prove. It must rise and develop the ability to become bread. Then ingredients must be added - this can be compared to us adding skills and abilities to our own lives. Then trials come and just like the bread after it's first rise, we are punched down and reshaped into something better. Then we are meant to rise again and become a beautiful loaf. I like this analogy so much better than a test like we might have in school because proving bread reminds us that we are in the process of becoming something new and wonderful. During the punch-down times we may lose sight of what we are becoming because life seems tough, but eternal perspective keeps us on the right track. One of my favorite quotes is below: 

One thing that can stunt that rise or growth is the perceived pressures of accountability if you don't do certain things in life like have a certain amount of kids, or perform well in school, or like certain foods, or dress a certain way. We are in a world of information and it takes time for our brain to learn how to interpret it. Sometimes we look at others like our parents and duplicating what they do brings learning and growth. This is essential for a small child. However, when we extend that need to duplicate other's behaviors or lives beyond healthy boundaries we find ourselves never measuring up. Why?  Because we can never duplicate everyone else and we weren't meant to. We are meant to learn from others and take what we can and then to develop ourselves the best we can -without comparison or expectations. God doesn't expect us to do any more than that so how can we expect that of ourselves. 

In short, have compassion with yourself. Love yourself for who you are, what you have become, the journey that you have already taken. You have learned so much and grown so much! Instead of dwelling on all you think you should have become, find peace with who you are. You are amazing. The journey of life is not a test but an adventure that will lead you through difficult valleys and onto beautiful mountains. Each step will help you grow. Each day choose to become better than the day before and you will find happiness. This is your life and your life alone. You don't have to please anyone else. It's between you and God- the God of eternal love and mercy.