The Refining Power of Motherhood

From the moment a woman finds out she is going to be a mother the only constant in her life is change. Change becomes her constant companion as her body changes by the day and sometimes even the hour. Her daily routines, familiar emotions, relationships, and everything that was once hers is sacrificed for the cause of creating a new little life and calling it her own. It is a beautiful and powerful experience to aid in the creation of a human life!

By its nature, change is a catalyst for growth. However how it grows us is up to us. Perspective and attitude act as our guiding stars in this. As with all things, if we are filled with doubt and fear that will grow within us when we encounter crossroads in life. Vice versa, when we look forward with hope that we can continue forward and that tomorrow will be better than today, that hope will also grow and blossom within us.

A woman entering the arena of motherhood carries so much expectation on her shoulders. She wonders whether she can live up to the ideals of her own mother or perhaps carries the pressure of whether she can be the mother she always wanted to have. She carries the expectation of how her husband thinks she ought to be as a mother. She carries an expectation of what she will do as a mother in her community and society. She holds the expectation of how many children she is 'supposed' to have in her heart- and what that says about her. She holds up these hefty unrealistic and idealistic expectations of what she should be as a mother and worries she may not live up to all these expectations. She worries she may not be enough. It's a lot of pressure! These thoughts usually come all within the first few weeks of being pregnant!

Motherhood is a constant battle with these expectations! Why? Change brings us into the realm of vulnerability where we don't feel comfortable anymore. This constant flux means that there never seems to be a moment to recenter and reacquaint yourself with who you are and who you want to be. Fortunately there are fleeting, small moments along our way that give us little glimpses of this and keep us more or less on track if we hold to them. For me it was often those moments of exhaustion while rocking a fussy baby at 2 am that brought me to my knees. These moments caused me to reflect on my perspective and attitude and make the changes I needed to do a little better the next day.

As a mother you live in the world of exhaustion. You can ask any mother and they will tell you there have been moments they don't quite remember because they were just so tired. Until a child is around 3.5 you are the sole provider for everything they need- food, sleep, diapers, ouchies, play time, baths, play dates. It was especially after our third child was born that I realized I felt like I was drowning all the time. There were so many people's needs to care for, no time for my own, and not a spare second to rest. Perspective and attitude were what saved me. My motto amidst it all was "tomorrow will be better than today". I continued to hope that tomorrow my kids could do a little more on their own than they did today- which would take a little off of my plate and that tomorrow I would yell a little less than I had today. As long as I vowed to make tomorrow a better day than today I continued on an upward slope. Sure there were dips back down and not every day was better than the day before, but I determined to choose to be refined into something better instead of being buried by the overwhelming tasks and thoughts that I would never measure up that threatened me on a daily basis.

Support networks can be a huge help in this area! One of the greatest tools of Satan is to make us feel like we are alone. Once we feel we are alone he can feed us the lies that we will never be enough, that what we are doing doesn't really matter, that we will be crushed under the burdens we carry. Connection with others reminds us that these are all lies and we are not alone, but instead are amidst so many others that are treading water in the struggle of raising their own children. These connections provide strength and motivation to move forward and even excel in motherhood.

All this said, refinement through change is always a choice. I know that by choosing to be a deliberate and intentional mother I have been refined. I have gone through the difficulties of fully dependent, tiny kids and wouldn't trade it for the world because it has shaped me into who I am today. Motherhood is the hardest thing I've ever done, but also reaps the greatest rewards. Amidst the craziness of it all it seems like it will last forever, but it will be a small moment. Choose in those moments to be refined- to try to make each day a little better than it was yesterday and you will find peace with change and more importantly you will find peace with yourself.