Cultivating Resilience

I have noticed that each time I feel less than normal I mentally drop off a cliff of hopelessness and don't have the emotional resilience to say, "this is a mall moment and I'll get through this." I realized that it's because the manner in which I deal with life's problems is as an independent person that mentally handles everything and prays for help along the way. This is not what resilience is though. Resilience is emotional stability through change.  When I get sick it as if I mourn the loss of normalcy and go through a grieving process. Instead of recognizing the familiar surroundings and saying, "Wow, I've been here before and know what to do" the process starts from the ground up every time. I frequently fall down this hole, but am determined to change; determined to cultivate resilience.

So, how did I get here? I am guilty of looking at so many people just for their good qualities instead of seeing them with all their weaknesses and gaining strength from watching them overcome their weaknesses and trials as imperfect people. I think, "It's only me that suffers". This has been crippling for me. I want to be a mother that my children see with strengths and weaknesses. I want them to learn now what it looks like to overcome in times of sorrow.

What creates this resilience- this emotional stability? First recognizing that it is important to feel the negative emotions in life. Things happen for you, not to you. You are not the victim. When you analyze your thinking patterns do not us "why" questions, instead use "what" and "how" to get to the bottom of the problem and not demean yourself by connection. Realize your triggers. Know how to recharge yourself so you can handle the hard things and take time to recharge every day. Also, be patient with yourself. It takes time to learn new patterns of thinking.

I've learned that resilience doesn't come from toughing it out and emotionally pushing through. For me that creates an emotional bomb that could explode at any moment. Instead it comes from facing those emotions in the moment and coming out on the other side. Saying, "I'm sick and this makes me feel sad and frustrated, but I know I can get through this because I have overcome sickness before." It's in those moments of vulnerability that we can choose whether those hard moments will break us or make us into something better.

Sometimes we limit ourselves to conditional happiness. We will be happy and find joy when all the kids are in school, when we lose some weight, when we move to a different house, when we're older. The truth is that no matter what happens, you will still be stuck with you. Choose today who you want to be. Choose happy. Find your center- your recharge- your inner calm. This is what builds resilience and allows you to rise above the depths of sorrow which seem determined to hold you there. Though it has been two years since I learned these truths, I still fall down the well frequently. I choose not to beat myself up for that, but instead recognize those moments as opportunities for change. I choose to continue to see the vision of what I'd like to become, to have gratitude for what I have, and celebrate the wins that happen every day.